The Life That Wasn't His
by NemKess
Summary: warnings: AU, WIP, shonen ai(HakkaiGoku), het. After a serious injury, Hakkai awakes to find things a little... different than he remembers.
1. Prologue A

Title: The Life that Wasn't His  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku main.. others to include Gojyo/Shun-Rei, Kougaiji/Yaone, Kanzeon/Jiro-kun  
Rating: PG13  
Status: WIP  
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmuses@msn.com  
  


Disclaimers: Goku and Hakkai belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^

  
Notes: This just popped into my brain this evening while I was trying to get the Angel to sleep. My spelling of some names/titles could be a little off. Don't stone me for it, please? 

  
Summary: After a serious injury, Hakkai wakes up to find things... a little different than he remembers.   
Warnings: Mostly AU. Shonen ai. Het. 

~*~*~

Cho Hakkai woke up with a groan. One hand instinctively reached up to gingerly touch the back of his skull where pain radiated.

What... 

It was a struggle to think past the pounding of his head, but Hakkai forced himself to ignore the discomfort with practiced ease. The last thing he remembered the barrier he'd formed to protect his companions and himself from an barrage of artillery had cracked. Obviously he'd been injured. But how long had he been out? What had happened to the others? And where were they? 

Wincing, the brunette managed to get himself propped up on one elbow to take stock of his surroundings. The bed he lay in wasn't the usual tatty, thin, **small** type thing they'd grown used to over the months of their journey west. It wasn't even the nicer, but still small bed he'd had when he'd lived with Gojyo. Big and fluffy with a worn but equally fluffy comforter that was printed with _monkeys???_, it was obviously a well loved bed and not something found at an inn. Mounds of pillows in various shapes and sizes were stacked around him.

Just then, a familiar face popped around the corner of the door. "You're awake!"

With a relieved laugh, the young man entered the room and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He brought one hand up and pushed Hakkai's bangs back. Warm golden eyes softened. "You have a concussion, but other than that you should be all right. Aunt Konzeon is paying to have a doctor come out and check you again later. They weren't happy when I wouldn't let them keep you at the hospital, but I knew you wouldn't want to be there when you woke up."

**Aunt** Konzeon? Hakkai laid back down and frowned as the odd words made him do a double take at his companion's appearance. It was more like a familiar stranger had taken place of the Goku that he'd come to know. Gone was the heavy diadem that held the more monstrous Seiten Taison Son Goku in check. The chocolate locks were a bit longer than they had been in recent years, a short tail of it tied back at the base of his skull. He was older too, by a couple of years and not much younger than Hakkai himself.

It was the look in his eyes though, that was really different.

Goku was looking at Hakkai in a manner usually reserved for Sanzo when the priest wasn't looking or the coveted candied buns that he was rarely allowed to have. There was a soft loving glow to that gaze, the likes of which hadn't been aimed at Hakkai since Kana had died.

"Be more careful next time, please? If not for yourself, then for me? I was really worried." With those words, Goku sighed and pressed a chaste kiss against his lips. He then snuggled in close to hold the stunned Hakkai. "Don't scare me like that again." 

"h... hai..." Too shell-shocked to do anything else, Hakkai stuttered out an agreement and hesitantly wrapped his own arms around the younger man. His mind whirled on though, trying to figure out just what the hell was going on. A quick scan around the room revealed a hodgepodge of items that he recognized. Things that were his from his time with Kana. Things he knew to be in Goku's small room at the Temple where Sanzo had taken him in. The green tunic that he'd frankly grown sick of over time hung over on the handle of what he assumed was a closet door. A small table in one corner was set up with an abandoned Mahjong set.... 

It was on the night stand next to the bed that sat the biggest shock Hakkai thought he'd ever had in his life. Two pictures were propped up on it.

One held Goku and himself, obviously younger, in a rather intimate looking embrace. The other held several smiling faces- well, and Sanzo, who very definitely was **not **smiling. The picture appeared to have been taken in a park on a sunny day. Gojyo was leaning against an annoyed looking Sanzo pointing off to one side. Shun-Rei was hiding a laugh behind one hand, her other resting comfortably on the redhead's leg. Konzeon Bosatsu and her servant guy were dressed in casual clothes and sitting in chairs behind the trio looking indulgent. On the other side of the picture, Yaone sat delicately on Kougaji's lap. Both looked distinctly human. Doku seemed to be falling out of the picture and Lirin was half obscured behind him. It was easy enough to see that the mischievous girl had pushed him and they'd both gone tumbling out of focus. The middle of the picture was what had Hakkai's eyes rolling back as he passed out again, though.

Goku sat between the legs of a man with his own face. The pair looked every bit like a happy in love couple should.

And kneeling behind them, was Kana.


	2. Prologue B

Title: The Life that Wasn't His  
Prologue B  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku main.... Sanzo/Goku hinted at.  
Rating: PG13  
Status: WIP  
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmuses@msn.com  
  


Disclaimers: Goku and Hakkai belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^

  
Notes: This just popped into my brain this evening while I was trying to get the Angel to sleep. My spelling of some names/titles could be a little off. Don't stone me for it, please? 

  
Summary: After a serious injury, Hakkai wakes up to find things... a little different than he remembers.   
Warnings: Mostly AU. Shonen ai. Het. 

~*~*~

Cho Hakkai woke up with a groan. One hand instinctively reached up to gingerly touch the back of his skull where pain radiated.

What... 

Gods but his head hurt... He massaged his head for a moment wondering at the intense ache. It took a few moments for memory to kick in and even then, he was a little fuzzy. His last memory was of Goku scolding him for something.... something about.. the shale being too loose? 

That's right, Hakkai breathed a sigh of relief. He and Goku had taken a trip to the beach and he'd thought to climb up one of the cliffs overlooking the spot they'd chosen. His companion had been quite cross with his 'stubborn stupidity' as he recalled. Obviously the younger man had been right and he'd been injured. But how long had he been out? And where were they? 

Surely Goku wouldn't have allowed him to be taken to a hospital, no matter how upset he'd been. Hakkai hated those places with a passion. 

Sanzo knew that though and had never been overly fond of him. Perhaps he'd been injured badly enough that the blonde had been able to convince Goku that it was necessary? Hakkai didn't even question the obviousness of the golden eyed imp calling Sanzo for help. Goku's hero-worship of his cousin was legendary in their town.

Wincing, the brunette tried to get himself propped up on one elbow to take stock of his surroundings but finally gave up and just turned his head from side to side. The bed he lay in was tatty thin, and **small**. Wherever it was, it definitely wasn't home.

Just then, a familiar face popped around the corner of the door. "You're awake! Hey Sanzo, Gojyo! He's awake!"

With a relieved laugh, the young man entered the room and bounced over to sit on the edge of the bed. He brought one hand up and felt Hakkai's forehead. Warm golden eyes beamed at him. "The doctor Gojyo found says that you have a concussion, but other than that you should be all right. He said we ought to keep you still for a few days, but you know Sanzo. He says we're heading out tomorrow afternoon at the latest whether you're feeling better or not." 

Hakkai blinked at the odd words and their rapid fire delivery but pushed it out of his mind for the moment. Right now he was more concerned with other things. He smiled a hooded half smile and reached up to slip one hand behind Goku's neck. "You could always just kiss it better," he replied in a husky voice before pulling the other down into just such a kiss.

The injured man ignored the squawk of surprised protest and the '_what the fucks?_' coming from the doorway. Kissing Goku always made him feel better.

For once that wasn't true. Rough hands jerked Goku out of his arms while others pushed Hakkai back onto the bed. He let out of whimper of pain and curled into a fetal position. Oh, that hurt.

When he finally managed to curb the pain down enough so that he could look at the others, he was shocked by what he saw. Goku was leaning against Sanzo looking more like a familiar stranger had taken place of the Goku that he'd come to love so much. He was younger, closer to sixteen, Hakkai guessed. Gone was the long chocolate locks that he'd always loved to run his hands through. Nestled atop his head was a crown of some sort. And the clothes... It definitely wasn't the designer label type thing that Goku's aunt and cousin usually insisted that he wear.

It was the look in his eyes though, that was really different. Bewildered and unsure. Affectionate but not loving. Or, at least, not the kind of love Hakkai was used to seeing in the big golden eyes.

Still shell-shocked by the one-two blow of his lover's altered appearance and the pain, it took a second for the other two to really register in his mind. Sanzo looked more menacing than usual, a small handgun out and pointed steadily at Hakkai's head. The confused man vaguely recognized the cream colored outfit as some kind of priestly garb, but the idea of Goku's bastard of a cousin as a monk was too outrageous to really be considered. The gun didn't surprise him in the least though. Gojyo's clown pants weren't nearly as hard to accept though the huge crescent blade propped against his shoulder gave Hakkai a bit of a pause. The self-professed ladies man was good with his fists for sure, but the brunette had never seen him give any other weapon anymore than a disgusted look.

Feeling very much like he'd stepped into a bad rerun of that American show, The Twilight Zone, Hakkai closed his eyes and counted to ten. But when he opened them again, the strange doppelgangers remained.

The hostile Sanzo and Gojyo had eased Goku a bit more behind them when the blonde cocked the gun. "Who the fuck are you?"

Hands held out instinctively to show they were empty, Hakkai offered an uncertain smile. "Umm.. Cho Gonou Hakkai... but most people just call me Hakkai... Except my sister and uh.. you, actually."

Sanzo only called him Gonou because he knew how much it got under his skin. His parents had called him Gonou, before they'd died, and the nuns in the orphanage. He truly loathed that name.

"Liar, Cho Hakkai doesn't have a sister," the hostile man growled and Hakkai could tell he was about to pull the trigger when Goku stepped around and in between them. 

A silent conversation seemed to pass between the pair before Sanzo offered an annoyed 'ch' and put the gun away. He stomped over to the window, his back to the others. 

Hakkai could only breath a sigh of relief and offer his savior a soft smile which was hesitantly returned.

"Goku..." The tall redhead was looking between the others and seemed just as confused as Hakkai felt. 

"He still smells like Hakkai. Only.. a little different."

The blade at Gojyo's shoulder disappeared and the man sighed. "Different isn't a good thing here, bakasaru."

Two annoyed voices blended together with the same complaint worded only slightly different. "Don't call me/him a saru!" 

Only one continued beyond that, though. "He's not some kind of animal and even if he never says it to your face, it hurts his feelings when you call him that." Green eyes glaring frostily at Gojyo, Hakkai didn't notice that all three of the others had turned to stare at him in shock.

Really, he'd spent years trying to get Gojyo and the others to stop calling Goku that and even if this was some strange nightmare, he still wasn't going to let them do it.. None of them realized how very badly their insults of his intelligence hurt Goku. He valued their opinions too much for it **not** to. 

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned his head against his knees. Perhaps if he went back to sleep and woke up again, everything would be back to normal? It was odd that he should wake up to this group in the first place. Goku had been expected... But Sanzo and Gojyo? Why would he have a dream where he didn't even have a sister?  
  
Where was Kana?  
  
The uneasy silence that followed his barely voiced question had green eyes opening again to look at them. 

Gojyo was the one who dropped down onto the side of the bed and broke the news as gently as he could. "Oi, Hakkai.. if that's who you really are.... Kana is dead. She's been dead for years."

Hakkai was only vaguely aware of strange yet familiar arms catching him as his eyes rolled back and he passed out again. 

TBC

Author's Notes  
~*~*~*~*~  
So, this fic is coming quite easily and quickly so far so I'm going to concentrate on it as much as I can. As you can see, there are two Hakkai's. It's more of a misplaced in the multi-verse type thing than a reincarnation one. Although that's a tempting idea too. ^_^ If things seem a little rushed, that's because the whole thing is basically written in my head and I'm trying to get it written before I lose any of it. Thanks for the reviews! Nice to see some fellow Hakkai/Goku fans out there as well as those not normally into the pairing, but willing to check it out despite that. You guys rock! Later Days! NemKess

Notes to Reviewers  
~*~*~*~  
_Nightengale13_- ^_^;; I already emailed a response out to yours. Thanks for the long in-depth reviews that you tend to offer. They're great!  
_Merf_- I'm pretty sure that this answers your reincarnation question and the issue of Hakkai's memories. I hope it helps with the confusion part while not dousing the curiosity. SankYuu!  
_ruishi_- concerned? about? ^_^ I wasn't sure about her name. I have the Hong Kong subtitled version and it offers both spellings. Thanks for the correct one though. Hakkai and Goku are such an under-appreciated pairing! I hope you continue to enjoy it.  
_ChaosDaughter_- ^_^ I love Sanzo/Goku for the most part, but I really think that overall I'm coming to prefer this pairing.   
_Everyone_- Thanks for taking the time to review!


	3. Chapter 1A

Title: The Life that Wasn't His  
Chapter 1  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku main.. others to include Gojyo/Shun-Rei, Kougaiji/Yaone, Kanzeon/Jiro-kun  
Rating: PG13  
Status: WIP  
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmusesmsn.com

Disclaimers: Goku and Hakkai belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head.

Notes: This just popped into my brain this evening while I was trying to get the Angel to sleep. My spelling of some names/titles could be a little off. Don't stone me for it, please?

Summary: After a serious injury, Hakkai wakes up to find things... a little different than he remembers.   
Warnings: Mostly AU. Shonen ai. Het.

It was the feel of hands and lips ghosting intimately over his body that woke Hakkai the second time.

Lost in a haze of almost forgotten pleasure and arousal, it didn't even occur to him to resist. Hakkai arched into the knowledgeable touch with a groan.

It was only as the figure above him emitted a very familiar, very masculine chuckle that Hakkai remembered that the world around him had altered so drastically and that this was very much not supposed to be happening. Before he could give protest, Goku's hands were replaced with his mouth and the older man was lost.

How long had it been since he'd allowed himself the physical euphoria only a lover could give?

Not since Kanan.

Years of celibacy broken only by the occasional guilty surrender to self-pleasure.

Hakkai still wasn't sure that this wasn't some sort of bizarre fantasy or illusion. The human turned demon hadn't ever thought of Goku in a sexual way that he could recall, but he'd always held a fondness for the seemingly innocent boy who could always offer a true smile no matter what life threw at him. It was a fondness that could, he supposed, be perverted by the enemy.

Another groan was pulled from him and all coherent, logical thought fled with it.

Right or wrong, real or imagined, in that moment it felt like he'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted to be possessed by Goku.

_Ring..... Ring...._

It took a second for the ringing of the phone to register on them. Once he realized what it was, he growled and glared in the direction from which the sound was coming.

Goku paused and added his own glare to Hakkai's before sighing and leaning over to snag the receiver.

"Dammit Sanzo, do you have any idea what time it is?"

Youkai enhanced hearing allowed Hakkai to hear a familiar snort coming through the receiver. "And you were obviously awake weren't you? Probably fucking your little playmate."

Green eyes widened in surprise. The younger man hadn't even given the caller a chance to identify himself. How on earth could he have known it was Sanzo? And was the disgust in Sanzo's voice for their activities or for something else?  
  
Eyes narrowing and lips pulling back in a snarl, Goku suddenly looked eerily similar to his diadem-less counterpart. It was disconcerting to see the expression on an apparently 'tame' Goku's face, especially one with whom he'd come dangerously close to having sex. "Sanzo-"  
  
"Oh shut it. It's not like he can hear me call him a whore, now is it?"  
  
From the look on his bedmate's face, it was obvious that this was a long standing disagreement. His voice suspiciously calm, Goku spoke with clear precision. "If you just called to insult us again-"  
  
There was a sigh on the line. "No. I just..." A lengthy pause and then, "The old hag was worried about you." _ And so was I._ The unspoken words came across loud and clear to the two listeners. Golden eyes softened.

"I'm fine, Sanzo. And so is Hakkai. We're just a little shaken up, that's all."

"Bastard should be more careful. He's going to get himself killed one of these days."

Goku grinned wickedly and dropped a kiss onto Hakkai's nose. "I'll let him know you were worried about him."

Sanzo's voice was practically growling. "You know damn good and well I couldn't care less if he jumped off a bridge. But **I **know that if he..." a pause and they could hear him take a deep breath. "If he died you'd be hurt."

"Sanzo...." The younger man trailed off, looking a little sad and lost.

"The hag would be hell to live with if that happened. She'd probably blame me."

"Well, we wouldn't want that, now would we?" Goku replied, his smile returning. "So... was there anything else you needed? Or were you calling to hear some phone sex?"

Hakkai's eyes widened almost painfully and his jaw dropped. Surely Goku wasn't **serious**?! Things here were definitely odd and off what he was used to, but not that badly surely.

"Baka. Don't be disgusting. If I wanted phone sex I wouldn't call the pair of you. I'd call Gojyo. He and Shunrei separately have more imagination and creativity than you two combined. You're boring little shits."

Laughing, Goku tucked the phone between his head and shoulder allowing his hands free to stroke over Hakkai's body again. The demon couldn't help but moan and arch into the touch, almost forgetting their auditory audience. "I don't know.... I like it. Hakkai likes it... Works for me." Tone low and husky, it only served to make Hakkai shudder. He'd have never pegged Goku as someone with a bedroom voice, but he was quickly revising his opinion.

"Only because you don't know any better. Look, I've got an early meeting in the morning and I've still got some paperwork to deal with before I can head to bed, so I'll let you get back to it." The wry voice on the other end of the line jerked Hakkai out of his lust-induced haze and he swatted at Goku's hand, glaring for good measure. His companion chuckled and winked saucily but kept his hands away from intimate contact.

"All right." He nodded and paused for a second, biting his lip. Hakkai had to force himself to look away and only listen. "Sanzo.... If it's all right..."

Another sigh. "Take off. You wouldn't be any good here anyways worried about him. But you realize you'll have to work twice as hard when you finally **do **get your ass back here, right?"

"Thanks Sanzo. Don't worry, I'll catch up in no time, you'll see!"

"Rii-iight. I'll believe that when I see it. Now get some sleep, baka."

"Night Sanzo!"

"Sanzo, I take it?" Hakkai was careful to watch his companion's expressions, hoping for some hint as to what was going on. If this was some bizarre dream, then he's lost nothing to play along. It might even be his subconscious's way of trying to tell him something. He'd read that somewhere once, that all dreams were important no matter how odd they may seem. He didn't want to accidentally overlook something important.

If it was some sort of illusion or trap sent by the enemy, well.... Rash judgments and decisions had been known to get his companions into a great deal of trouble. He liked to think he was a little bit better at avoiding that.

Goku nodded. "He just wanted to make sure we were okay. He said to tell you 'Get well soon'. And he gave me a couple of days off."

Arching an eyebrow, Hakkai gave the golden-eyed man a skeptical look. That certainly hadn't been what **he'd **heard. "Generous of him."

"Yeah, well..." Goku chuckled and ran a gentle hand through Hakkai's hair. "So it isn't what he said. It's what he meant. And he really did give me a couple of days off." He didn't seem overly suspicious that his previous claims on Sanzo's well-wishing wasn't entirely believed, so Hakkai thought that perhaps Sanzo was **always** so harsh towards him. Another apparently severe deviation from the world as the green-eyed man knew it.

"He really doesn't like me, does he?"

With a sigh, his companion shifted, moving them around into a more comfortable position. In the end, Goku was settled against the pillows with Hakkai half laying on top of him, head tucked against a strong shoulder. The demon shivered faintly as his friend stroked his hair lightly. "He just... worries. He knows how much I love you and he's afraid I'll get hurt because of it, if something happened to you or if you left. And he's right, I guess. Losing you..." Goku's free arm came up to wrap tightly around Hakkai's shoulders. "I was so scared when you fell yesterday. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."

"Goku..." Hakkai didn't know what to say. Illusion or not... Dream or not.... Goku's emotion seemed very real to him and drew an answering well of emotion in response. "I'm sorry."

There was a faint sniffling noise and the hold on his shoulders loosened. "I know." A kiss was pressed against the crown of his forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you before." Goku laughed softly. "You just looked too damned tempting sprawled out on the bed."

Much to Hakkai's surprise, he felt the heaviness of his eyelids make itself known. He really did feel quite worn out. And he hadn't even sorted anything out yet.

Oh well. Tomorrow was another day and perhaps he'd feel rested and well enough to begin solving his dilemma in earnest. Until then, Goku's arms were warm and inviting.

TBC

Author's Note:  
Damn, sorry about the poor ending. I was kinda stuck and I know it sucks, but I'll try really hard to make sure that the rest of the endings aren't so bad, okies? I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed and showed interest in the previous chapters. 1b will be out within the next couple of days. It needs a little reworking and a session with the beta, but it's mostly done already. I hope you'll continue to enjoy this fic. Thanks! NemKess   
P.S. I almost forgot to tell everyone the news! I started an LJ Community (hgfireflies) for Hakkai/Goku, Goku/Hakkai. It's still in it's baby stages, but please go and join or just check it will do individual notes to reviewers in the next part. Sorry, but I really wanted to get this part out as soon as possible.


	4. Chapter 1B

Title: The Life that Wasn't His  
Chapter 1b  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku main.. others to include Gojyo/Shun-Rei, Kougaiji/Yaone, Kanzeon/Jiro-kun  
Rating: PG13  
Status: WIP  
E-mail address for feedback::

Disclaimers: Goku and Hakkai belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head.

Notes: This just popped into my brain this evening while I was trying to get the Angel to sleep. My spelling of some names/titles could be a little off. Don't stone me for it, please?

Summary: After a serious injury, Hakkai wakes up to find things... a little different than he remembers.  
Warnings: Mostly AU. Shonen ai. Het.

* * *

It was the feel of hands and lips ghosting intimately over his body that woke Hakkai the second time.

Lost in a haze of familiar pleasure and arousal, the strange world around him ceased to exist. Hakkai arched into the knowledgeable touch with a groan.

Only Goku could make him fall apart with a touch or a look.

His lover ghosted a trail of open-mouthed kisses down his body, stopping to nip and bite along the way. There was a brief pause broken by a husky whisper. "Hakkai..."

And then Goku's mouth replaced his hands on Hakkai's arousal. Another groan was pulled from him and all coherent, logical thought fled with it.

Everything was right in his world once again.

_Bang..... Bang...._

He woke abruptly to the sound of shouting and turned to see Sanzo's doppelengar firing the pistol at the other two nearby.

"Dammit Sanzo, you're gonna get us kicked out of the inn if you keep that up!"

"Oi, look here you damned monk, you shouldn't wave that thing around you might actually hit one of us one of these days!"

"That's the general **idea** you idiot. Maybe then we'd get a little peace and quiet on this stupid mission."

"Sanzo?"

"Well excu-use me for breathing!"

"Uh...Sanzo?"

"I don't' think I will!"

_Bang. Bang._

"Sanzo!"

The blonde whirled around and hit Goku hard on the head with a fan that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. "What, you damned bakasaru!?"

"Ow! That **hurt**!"

Hakkai's eyes narrowed and he pulled himself gingerly from the bed, trying his best to ignore the stars that swam in his vision. He wasn't much of a fighter even when he was at his best, but if Sanzo really thought he was going to lie still and just let the jerk beat on his lover- even in some strange dream where everything seemed to be backwards- he was damned well deluding himself.

"Hit him again, and I assure you that you will not like the results. Goku might feel he's obligated to take it, but I do not." He tried his best to look fierce, but since he was fairly sure he looked like a strong breeze might knock him over, Hakkai wasn't sure how successful he was.

"Like I was trying to say," the younger of the strange trio said, rubbing his abused skull, "You woke Hakkai up."

The monk eyed him before tucking his fan back into his sleeve and snorting. "Whatever."

"You feeling better, Hakkai?" Gojyo asked. "You kinda had us a little worried earlier, fainting like that. We expect that from the princess over there-" The fan made a reappearance as it was thrown with amazing accuracy into the back of the red head, but it didn't garner any reaction from Gojyo other than a glare at it's owner. "but not usually from you."

"Yeah, are your brains feeling less scrambled now?" Goku chimed in, though he was careful not to get too close. The older brunette smiled a bit sadly at that. He really could have used his lover's strength and comforting touch right about then.

Backing up, he sat back down on the bed carefully. "I... have a bit of a headache." It was probably the biggest understatement that had ever come out of his mouth. A bit of a headache? He felt like he had a pack of sumo wrestlers battling it out between his ears.

Goku and Gojyo both edged closer, worry clear on their face. The boy's voice was tentative when he asked, "You... have a headache Hakkai?"

"Well, yes." Hakkai blinked at them in confusion. "I did fall off a ledge, Goku. You said I have a concussion. Of course I have a headache." It would certainly explain the odd turn his sleeping visions had taken. Maybe he was in a coma? Goku was going to kill him when he woke up. And then his lover would probably insist that he never climb anything more than two feet in the air. And Hakkai would no doubt agree because he couldn't stand to see Goku upset.

The others shared a concerned confused look. Even Sanzo looked a little unsettled.

The redhead brushed his hair out of his face which was unsettling- why was his subconscious making Gojyo so friendly all of a sudden?- but at least they didn't accuse him of being an imposter again. "Hakkai, you got a concussion cuz you got clocked on the back of the head with a really big rock. It wasn't at the bottom of any cliff, a youkai chunked it at ya. You were too busy trying to protect Sanzo-sama over there to watch your own skull." The look Gojyo gave Sanzo made it apparent where he thought the blame for this all should be laid. "And you can't blame us for being a little surprised that you'd actually claim that something hurts. You're the guy who has his guts hanging outta his stomach and calls it a scratch, after all."

Well that was disgusting. And wrong on several points, points he was more than happy to tick off on his fingers in a perfectly logical fashion. "First of all, youkai are nothing more than children's stories. Something some nun somewhere made up to frighten pupils into obeying the rules. Second of all, that's disgusting. And obviously it wouldn't be a scratch because I'd be dead. And lastly- and most importantly- if I were to engage in some random fisticuffs with rock flinging youkai, why in the world would I bother to protect Sanzo?"

His companions shared a stumped look for a moment. Goku sucked in a breath to say something before stopping completely and sniffing again. He sniffed Hakkai and Gojyo in turn, his face a mask of concentration.

Everyone watched in bafflement as Goku hopped up and ran over to sniff Sanzo and then returning to the bed, eyes wide.

"What the hell ya think you're doing, ba-" Gojyo cut himself off as he glanced over at Hakkai. "Goku."

"Remember how I said he smelt like Hakkai, but different?"

"Yeah. So?"

The golden eyes were confused as they remained fixed on Hakkai as if he were some sort of lab specimen. "He's human. It's Hakkai... but he's... human." The boy couldn't seem to grasp the concept. "How is that possible, Sanzo?"

Before anyone could reply, the window shattered and the room filled with some of the most hideous creatures Hakkai had ever seen.

TBC

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Author's Note:  
Sorry it took so long! ;; I seem to say that a lot, ne? Ah well. I'm working on it. And I've written quite a bit this month, so maybe that makes up for the previously long waits. Not to much to say, few of the reviewers comments really asked anything I can answer, except to say I'm glad ya'll liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing. -NemKess  



	5. Chapter 2A

Title: The Life that Wasn't His  
Chapter 2a  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Saiyuki  
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku main.. others to include Gojyo/Shun-Rei, Kougaiji/Yaone, Kanzeon/Jiro-kun  
Rating: PG13  
Status: WIP  
E-mail address for feedback::

Disclaimers: Goku and Hakkai belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head.

Summary: After a serious injury, Hakkai wakes up to find things... a little different than he remembers.  
Warnings: Mostly AU. Shonen ai. Het. References to Incest.

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For the better part of two days, all Hakkai did was rest and allow Goku to pamper him back to health. It was one of the most peaceful times he could ever remember experiencing in his life and the demon was starting to doubt that this new world and this human Goku were mere fabrications of his dreaming mind or an illusion. Unless, of course, his or the enemie's imaginations were far more extensive than he'd ever realized. Careful study of the room he'd woken in and the rest of the small house had revealed a thousand tiny details that no dream or illusionist would never bother with- if it even occurred to them that such a thing would be in a house. A bloody handkerchief behind the trashcan where it had landed after Goku had hurriedly tossed it away and missed, a level of technology that he'd read about but never seen evidenced in such mundane things as a toaster here and a stereo there, a carefully organized bookshelf filled with an eclectic collection of books and manga. Everywhere he looked was evidence of a well settled life shared between a pair of friends and lovers.

And the possibility of it being a trap had diminished as well. The only chance he had of being killed here seemed to be if Goku accidentally smothered him with love and affection. Hakkai was beginning to understand where the resentment and dislike had come from in Sanzo's voice before. The emotion he saw reflected in Goku's eyes every time the younger man looked at him burned more brightly and fiercely than anything Hakkai had ever seen. He'd never thought he'd ever see anything that came close to what he'd felt for Kanan. But while it was entirely possible that his own memory was faulty, this seemed like forest fire compared to campfire. If his own feelings for Kanan had driven him to insanity when she'd died, had driven him to completely decimate an entire clan of demons- not counting the humans who'd given her to them in the first place- what would this do?

Here there was no Seiten Taisen to overwhelm Goku if he was dealt such a harsh blow.

As Hakkai pondered the possibilities of that, he sighed and rolled back onto his side in the bed. It was a disturbing quandary to be sure, but it was off course and not what he was supposed to be trying to figure out.

His own predicament required his more immediate attention.

If he wasn't in a dream and it wasn't an illusion or some sort of strange trap, then the only other things he could think of were that he was dead and this was his convoluted heaven/hell or that he was in some sort of alternate or parallel universe. Either circumstance seemed a great deal more possible than his earliest suspicions. He could easily see a certain bored goddess messing with his head like this and the theories of alternate worlds had never been completely disproved.

The alternate universe was his preferred theory, of course, as it didn't involve his death. He also figured he might accidently be able to work himself out of it. Death was rather permanent, but if one could get one's self into an alternate universe, surely one could get one's self out of it. Besides which, he lost nothing if he approached this as a workable problem. If he was dead and this was just for the amusement of Kanzeon Bosatsu, well, then at least the goddess would be entertained.

Of course, if this was an alternate universe and he was here in place of the Hakkai that belonged here, then more than likely this world's Hakkai was there in his place. It wasn't a very comforting thought. His own world was no place for an essentially innocent human. As soon as the others realized 'Hakkai' wasn't who he was supposed to be, he'd be lucky if Sanzo didn't shoot him. Sanzo was like that. For all that he preached non-attachment, the monk was quick to shoot first and ask questions later when anything threatened the group.

Rubbing his temples, Hakkai sighed again. All this theorizing was making him hungry. He couldn't help but smile at the distinctly Goku-ish thought.

The brunette got up and wandered into the small kitchenette. Goku had left a couple of hours earlier, citing that he needed to go touch base with his aunt and swing by work to make sure Sanzo still had a handle on things. Hakkai still hadn't managed to figure out just what Goku did without tipping the other man off that he wasn't supposed to be here. There was little doubt in his mind that the human had already entertained such suspicions the first day he'd allowed Hakkai to wander around under his own steam. The demon knew Goku had caught him mapping out the house, trying to get a feel for where everything was. Thankfully the doctor Kanzeon had sent had arrived the same day and assured them both that a little memory loss wasn't unusual in concussed patients.

Hakkai suspected it was only Goku's desire for things to be right and true that allowed him to ignore any misgivings he had about his injured lover's odd behavior. He knew Goku had noticed the limiters but so far hadn't mentioned them. He'd worried about the scars on his stomach, but after two nights of sharing a bed clothed in far less than he was used to, that worry was gone. Apparently the scars were as much a part of Goku's real lover as they were of him. He couldn't imagine that they'd been gotten the same way, but so far had found no opportunity to ask without raising questions he couldn't answer.

It had become very important to keep up the pretense as Hakkai had realized that the world around him wasn't used to such oddities. If he'd woken up and tried to explain that while he was Hakkai, he wasn't Goku's Hakkai and that he'd really traveled here via head injury from an alternate universe and yes, he was a demon, couldn't you tell? Well.... More than likely he'd have ended up hospitalized for insanity. And how would he get himself back to his own world if he was locked up in a little white room?

Not to mention the slight detail that, if t this was his goddess-constructed heaven/hell, then Kanzeon might just get bored with that scenario and drop him into something far worse.

Fixing himself a sandwich, Hakkai moved back into the living room and made himself comfortable on the sofa. From under the center table, he fished out several photo albums he'd noticed the day before. He wasn't sure yet if the Hakkai he was supposed to be was sentimental enough to be pouring through such things out of the blue.

The first was filled with a random mix of friends and enemies that he's already seen in the picture in their room. Although each was obviously candid and done at home, the quality of them was beyond what he'd imagined after seeing the other two. Whoever had taken these took their photography hobby seriously. His own small, precise handwriting gave little anecdotes along the side of each picture and between the two, Hakkai was able to get a pretty good idea of how life in this new world worked for Goku and his other self.

Gojyo and Shun-Rei, he decided, made quite a cute couple. There wasn't a single picture where they weren't looking playful and cheerful. In several, Sanzo appeared looking more than a little grumpy but all in all not too unhappy about being there- even in the one where Gojyo had him in a chokehold while Shun-Rei messed up his hair. Hakkai chuckled lightly at that picture.

Kou and company seemed to stay in a group as they always had. There was one of Kougaiji and Yaone alone. It looked like the photographer had caught them at an intimate moment, their faces leaning close together in prelude to a kiss. It was a beautiful picture. Another was of Lirin smiling widely and flashing a V-sign. Doukaji did not appear in any alone. He was always with the group or with Gojyo and Shun-Rei.

Reading neatly printed notes along the side, he was startled to realize that in this reality at least, not only were Gojyo and Doukaji half-siblings, but Kougaji and Lirin were distantly related to Gojyo as well. How oddly..... fitting. He was glad to see that at least one Gojyo out there had lived a good, happy life filled with family that loved him.

The second album had his hands trembling. Labeled 'family', it held photos similar to the one that had come before. Only this time the main people depicted were Sanzo, Kanzeon Bosatsu and her servant.... and Kanan. There were a couple of old photographs that were marked as both his and Goku's parents, but not very many. Hakkai had the impression that both sets had died well before either Goku or his alternate had gotten very old.

Kanan, it seemed, was not his older sister in this world as he'd presumed but was instead his twin. There were a great deal of pictures of them together but not one held anything other than sibling affection between them. Even in the older photographs, the ones he assumed were 'pre-Goku' times, offered not even a hint that either of them might have considered the other to be more than their cherished brother or sister.

"I suppose this means I'm an oddity even unto myself," he murmured under his breath.

In the case of Goku and Sanzo's photos, it was very much the opposite. Goku's hero-worship and plain adoration shone through even the oldest of them. It was something Hakkai recognized easily. Most of the rest of the pictures were of Sanzo by himself. He smiled in them frequently if faintly. In fact, the warmth with which Sanzo seemed to turn towards the camera led Hakkai to believe that it was probably Goku himself who'd taken many of the photos. The easy affection on the blonde's face both suited him and looked odd at the same time. These were not the expressions of a man who called his cousin's lover a whore, nor were they like anything he'd seen on a certain priest's face

It was only as Hakkai flipped towards the back of the book, following the progression of years, that he began forming a suspicion about the cause of the older Sanzo's disgruntlement and dislike. More than simple worry, as Goku had dismissed it as, if he wasn't badly mistaken.

Sanzo was jealous.

He chuckled faintly at the novelty of the idea before putting it away to think about later. He hadn't even been faced with Sanzo yet. Worrying about how to deal with the jealous not-quite-ex could come later.

For now Hakkai turned his attention to the final book. The cover was another copy of their couple photo in the bedroom inside a heart-shaped wreath of green and gold paint. Under it in pretty calligraphy read, 'Hakkai & Goku, Forever'.

Sweet, the dark haired man thought as he eyed it. Sweet enough to give one a cavity. Luckily, he didn't think that either he or Goku had actually written it. The small initials in the corner were C.K.. Kanan's handiwork, if he had to guess.

It was the only album that boasted more than a few photos of Goku. The quality of these weren't nearly as good as the others, cementing Hakkai's belief that Goku was the main photographer.

Still, what they lacked in professionalism, they more than made up for in sheer emotion.

Goku was not the only one madly in love, he realized.

The simple genuine joy on the familiar face made Hakkai ache. He could barely remember anymore, but he'd seen that expression before. When he'd occasioned to see his own face in a mirror or a passing window in those long-past days with Kanan.

The Hakkai of this world loved Goku as deeply as he ever had Kanan. Perhaps even more so as this love had had it's chance to grow stronger over time. It's roots were deep and it's blossoms brilliant.

He definitely needed to find a way to put things to rights again and quickly. These two belonged together.

"Are you done being sentimental?"

Hakkai started as arms slipped around his neck and a kiss was pressed against his temple. He hadn't even heard Goku come in. Perhaps he was more injured than he'd believed if a mere human could sneak up on him.

"I suppose so, for the moment at least." At least his companion didn't seem to think it odd that he was sitting there pouring over old memories.

Goku chuckled and gave a squeeze before standing up straight again. "Good, it's almost dinner time, in case it slipped your mind, and I for one am hungry. Let's go to Paul's. I'm in the mood for the buffet tonight."

As Goku rambled on about food, Hakkai couldn't help but be comforted by the one thing that was very definitely exactly the same as in his world.

At least some things never changed.

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TBC

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Author's Notes  
  
I worry that this chapter was too boring and too info packed, but it can't really be helped I guess. Hakkai has a very methodical way of doing things after all and it's not like there's going to be a pack of demons waiting to pounce on him hiding in the closet, ne? I also worry that people might feel that I was trivializing this Hakkai's relationship with Kanan in the comparison to this Goku's with his Hakkai. I really wasn't, I was just trying to show just how **much **the alternate pair loved each other. Hakkai/Kanan happens to be a favorite of mine and I dislike dismissing her out of hand. I want to thank Selah-kaasan for taking time out of her morning to beta it ASAP for me. I'm writing quite a bit lately, and though much of it seems to be centered around drabbles and short one-shots, I am still working on all my WIPs. Slowly but surely, right? I don't think this fic will end up nearly as long as I'd originally feared despite it's being a sort of... doubled fic. Some of the middle bits have rearranged themselves in a more efficient manner and I think it'll make it easier to read and to write. And now I'm babbling so I'll shut up. Thanks everyone! NemKess

Notes to Reviewers  
HououMegami- uh.. Sorry? ;; This one is a bit longer, so maybe it makes up for the deplorable shortness of the last one?  
Koryu-Sanzo- Thank you very much! I am always happy to hear someone new is enjoying a Hakkai/Goku fic.


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